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- Violeta Tavarez
Making connections
Jessica Roy, Bruin reporter (Contact)
Published: Friday, May 2, 2008
Los Angeles is full of thousands of single people. They are everywhere. Bars, clubs, coffee shops, bookstores and lecture halls are theoretically full of potential dates.
But at UCLA, a campus where many students are juggling academic schedules with extracurricular activities and jobs, the Internet has become a viable option for people with little time for the singles scene.
Internet dating has evolved from a bastion of mid-’90s “geekdom” to a popular and easily accessible option for anyone over 18 with an Internet connection.
Millions of people across the country and around the globe are using the Web to find pen pals, partners and everything in between.
Duy Pham is a fourth-year sociology student who began using the Internet for dating when he was 16.
“It’s convenient. You meet a great group of diverse people, it’s less stressful than face-to-face encounters, and it’s very accessible,” Pham said.
Some still think there is a stigma attached to meeting people online, but Pham said that, when he tells people, they are very open to it.
“I don’t really see that people are weirded out by it. It’s pretty normal now,” Pham said.
Though Pham has not yet met that special someone online, he knows of people who have. His friend Danna Carmi, who graduated from UCLA in 2007, met her boyfriend online 2 1/2 years ago.
“I had heard about (online dating), of course, and I was looking for a new way to meet people, so I looked up Internet dating and found a site that I liked and joined up,” Carmi said.
For Carmi, that site was OkCupid, a free Web site developed by the people who created SparkNotes. Carmi got to know several people before meeting her boyfriend. She said the experience was similar to meeting and dating people in real life.
“I met a handful of people before I met (my boyfriend). ... It was a lot like just meeting people at a party: lots of first dates, fewer second dates. I’m still friends with some of them,” Carmi said.
Carmi, like Pham, said people were slightly concerned but generally pretty receptive when she told them she was dating people from the Internet.
“Some (friends) were just concerned for my safety. They had the idea that the entire Internet is composed of creeps and it’s really hard to find a nice person who won’t try to take advantage of you. ... Most people are pretty OK with it, especially the younger people,” Carmi said.
Melissa Enfield lives in Council Bluffs, Iowa. She met her husband online in 1999.
“Back then there wasn’t much to do – just chat rooms and that sort of thing,” Enfield said.
She said people in her rural area still occasionally ask her why she uses the Internet to meet people instead of meeting them in person.
“Usually I ask them, ‘Where would I do that?’” Enfield said.
Meeting people online does not necessarily replace meeting people the old-fashioned way.
“It just presents other opportunities. I’m just adding to what I have; I’m not replacing,” Carmi said.
Sam Yagan, the co-founder and CEO of OkCupid, said Internet dating has come a long way since its beginnings over a decade ago.
“I think, back in the day, the only people online were techie or nerdy people. Back in the mid-’90s, cool people were not online,” Yagan said.
But the role of the Internet in society has changed dramatically since then.
“If you use (the Internet) to buy Christmas gifts, read the news and e-mail Grandma, it’s not surprising you would use it to get dates,” Yagan said.
SpeedDate.com is a free Web site that has been online since October 2007. Its co-founder, Dan Abelon, said he and his business partner were trying to create a new model for online dating.
Instead of filling out a profile and answering questionnaires, users sign on with a webcam and microphone and are instantly set up on online “blind dates.”
“When you get to a date, you know within two minutes whether there’s an actual connection or not,” Abelon said.
Though there are many free Web sites on the Internet, Web sites with paid memberships, such as eHarmony, Chemistry and Match.com, get a lot of publicity from commercials and celebrity endorsements.
These Web sites tend to appeal to a slightly older demographic and boast high numbers of users who are engaged or married.
Carmi said most people she knows “would rather not pay for something they could get for free.”
“If there are free dating Web sites out there, then at least I would be inclined to go to the free one,” Carmi said.
She said she has friends who use paid Web sites for reasons such as good service and a large membership base with more potential dates.
Yagan said he thinks it is ridiculous that some Web sites charge for their services.
“There’s no reason a dating site should cost money,” Yagan said.
He said the money you spend on a Web site membership is less than you would spend on a date, and such a nominal amount does not guarantee that all the users are who they say.
With a site like SpeedDate.com, Abelon said they need to make it free to get the maximum number of users online.
“We just wanted to give as many people as possible a chance to use it. We need to have a lot of people on in order to deliver a really good experience for people,” Abelon said.
Yagan said free Web sites benefit from commercials for paid Web sites, that they make Internet dating seem more acceptable and normal to the general public.
“Ads help make it seem more legit,” Yagan said.
OkCupid’s main demographic is 18- to 24-year-olds, and Yagan said the free membership to the site has driven that success.
Carmi said she would not rule out a paid Web site in the future.
“I imagine that if I were in a situation where I wanted the service enough to pay for it, and I wanted to not limit it to the few free ones, I would definitely consider paying for a good service,” Carmi said.
Some people turn to the Internet when they lack the opportunity to get out and meet people.
Heina Dadabhoy, a 20-year-old English and philosophy student at UC Irvine, said her parents were very strict with her in high school, so she used the Internet as an alternative for meeting people.
“The Internet was a big social playground for me from the very beginning,” Dadabhoy said.
She said she has met several people in real life, with varying degrees of success.
“In-person chemistry can be very different from ‘we’re great IM buddies,’” Dadabhoy said.
Pham agreed, adding that meeting people from the Internet in real life can be a gamble.
“They don’t always meet the expectations you have of them, but most of the time it goes pretty well. It really depends on ... what the intentions are going into the experience,” Pham said.
Vladimir Vedenyapin, a 22-year-old who lives in Studio City, said he started using Internet dating after he got tired of the regular singles scene.
He has been using a dating site for three months now and described the experience as “unique.”
“It’s really difficult to prove yourself online and get a feeling for others online,” Vedenyapin said.
He said he has had mixed experiences with the people he has met online and in person, but he still has hope for the Internet.
Users had lots of advice for people who are considering online dating.
“I’m safe about it. I always meet someone for the first date in a public area, sometimes with a friend,” Carmi said.
Pham said people should just relax and enjoy the experience.
“Just do it as something that’s fun; don’t expect anything,” Pham said.
Yagan said college students especially should just give online dating a try and see what is out there.
“Don’t take it or yourself too seriously. Have a good time. If you’re a college student, you should just be meeting as many interesting people as possible,” Yagan said.
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